Day 25

Hello Dearest Friends

Today it is a blustery coastal winter day. Ok, no it's not blustery, it's downright stormy. Wet wet wet and miserable. In the spirit of staying "up" I'm trying not to let it get me down. Today I had to take a nap during the day for the first time in months, and I have been going to the sauna almost every day to keep my body warm. I'm not going to lie, some days are darn hard. Some days I want to cram avocados into my mouth, three at a time. Some days I want to give up and scream that this is ridiculous and what am I doing and that it's impossible to be chipper and airy and super duper happy about living off of juice for a month! Phewf...But then, a few minutes later, I feel calm again. And I think about how much better I am than I was a month ago, and I think about how much better I will be in another month. And I take deep breaths and keep going. Because that's all I can do, every other option is crazy making. I read some people's juice blogs and they seem so...zen about this whole process. Well I'm not going to compare, I've had the occasional zen day myself. And then there are the days I'm in yoga trying to sob quietly while great big chunks of painful emotion pull out of my back, Vipassana style. I mean how much sadness can one person store? How much sadness can one privileged, only child, white girl store, really? A lot more than I ever knew, that's how much.

It has been a few days since I wrote anything because nothing hugely momentous has taken place. I still have my cold, but it's getting better day by day. I have been weaning myself back on the juice after about three days of pretty much fasting on water. Yesterday I finally drank almost a gallon again, half of which was green. I certainly notice I have more sustainable energy levels when I get more green into my system, but some days I look at the green stuff and my body just goes, noooooo. My nausea is gone finally and my cough and mucus filled sinuses are clearing bit by bit. My face has also been super dry, probably from all the nose blowing, so I've been soaking up the coconut oil as much as possible.

Is this entry turning you off? I apologize. No wait, I don't. Because I promised honesty about this process and where would you all be if I pretended that everything was easy and then you went and started juice feasting and it got tough and you thought, "wait a second, she had it easy, what's wrong with me?" The truth is processes like this are not easy, and that's okay right? That's maybe even the point. It's that whole, what doesn't kill you bla bla bla thing we've been told for years.

I really am feeling good about going through this. Today is just a hard day. And that's okay, because maybe tomorrow will be an easier day. And hey, I have Hawaii to think about, so no matter how cold it is, that thought will get me through.

Much much love to all you lovelies, especially the ones braving the stormy winter blues. Let's all go listen to Nina, it could always be worse right?

“I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection”
Thomas Paine